“You’re so pretty for a dark skinned girl!”
“Stop calling yourself fat, because you’re not - you’re beautiful!”
“You have incredible boobs for an Asian girl!”
“You can’t even tell that you’re trans*, you’re so gorgeous!”
Thanks for trying to be nice, people, but this isn’t the way to do it.
People aren’t attractive in spite of these qualities…nor is it helpful to imply that they’re beautiful because they are so different from the normal stereotypes we associate with POC/trans* people/fat people. All that does is reinforce beliefs that the default state for dark skin, fatness, or being trans* is somehow physically and noticeably inferior.
In short: Good effort, and you might really mean well - but we’d rather you not have said anything at all.
No, I don’t think its better if you have not said anything at all. Often times a person is beautiful because of their unique characteristics. The beautiful bronze glow a dark brown skinned black woman has in her skin. The way kinky curls feel in your fingers. The soft sensuousness of a fat girls thighs on your shoulders. Kissing your lover with her glasses on. Kissing all the dimples on her heart shaped booty. I don’t care what thecsph says. I’m going to continue to give credit where credit is due and accept compliments from those who appreciate my beautiful, black, kinky haired, fat, gay self.
I think we’re actually on the same page here. We are all about appreciating, complimenting, and valuing unique features - we don’t think that we should just ignore those characteristics and features in order to be accepting. People look different and we’re not about ignoring that or pretending specific skin colors/sexual expressions/body shapes/races don’t exist when we form compliments. We just argue against people using backhanded compliments with sting in their implications, along the phrasing of “You’re pretty FOR a dark skinned girl” rather than “You’re a pretty dark skinned girl”, or “You have pretty dark skin, etc.” Those last two, as well as all the other beautiful things you mentioned in your post, are joyful compliments that we’d love to see in the world - while the first statement implies that it’s out of the ordinary to find dark skin so attractive. We feel uncomfortable about people saying that “You know, dark skinned girls aren’t usually so cute, but you, the exception to that rule, are gorgeous.”
Your beautiful, black, kinky haired, fat, gay self is beautiful for all of those things, not in spite of those qualities :)