I don't own my child's body

(CNN) — My daughter occasionally goes on a hugging and kissing strike.

She’s 4. Her parents could get a hug or a kiss, but many people who know her cannot, at least right now. And I won’t make her.

“I would like you to hug Grandma, but I won’t make you do it,” I told her recently.

“I don’t have to?” she asked, cuddling up to me at bedtime, confirming the facts to be sure.

No, she doesn’t have to. And just to be clear, there is no passive-aggressive, conditional, manipulative nonsense behind my statement. I mean what I say. She doesn’t have to hug or kiss anyone just because I say so, not even me. I will not override my own child’s currently strong instincts to back off from touching someone who she chooses not to touch.

I figure her body is actually hers, not mine.

It doesn’t belong to her parents, preschool teacher, dance teacher or soccer coach. While she must treat people with respect, she doesn’t have to offer physical affection to please them. And the earlier she learns ownership of herself and responsibility for her body, the better for her.

[…]

Would you want your daughter to have sex with her boyfriend simply to make him happy? Parents who justify ordering their children to kiss grandma might say, “It’s different.”

No, it’s not, according to author Jennifer Lehr, who blogs about her parenting style. Ordering children to kiss or hug an adult they don’t want to touch teaches them to use their body to please you or someone else in authority or, really, anyone.

“The message a child gets is that not only is another person’s emotional state their responsibility but that they must also sacrifice their own bodies to buoy another’s ego or satisfy their desire for love or affection,” said Lehr.

“Certainly no parent would wish for their teenager or adult child to feel pressure to reciprocate unwanted sexual advances, yet many teach their children at a young age that it’s their job to use their bodies to make others happy,” she said.

[More at the source.]

Lessons about sex and sexuality start at a very young age. Great read & ideas for how to teach your children to grow up positively.

(via fuckyeahsexpositivity)

Use Your Words Episode 3: Sex-Positive Parenting!

Thank you all for your awesome support of our new vlog series,Use Your Words, on how to talk to your kids about sex! We really love and appreciate it :)

In Episode 3, Melissa talks about what “sex positivity” means, and how parents should navigate their own individual biases and uncomfortable feelings when it comes to discussing topics with baggage.

Remember, episodes come out on our channel every Tuesday!

Episode 2 (Answering Questions)

Episode 1 (How Should You Think About Sex?)

Our fantastic intern, Melissa Lopez, will be putting out new videos every week for The CSPH’s new vlog series, Use Your Words. A proud parent of two teens, she knows a thing or two about teaching your kids about sexuality in a healthy & comfortable manner…you won’t want to miss this if you’re a parent.

Check out our first episode: How Should You Think About Sex?

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