The Sex Ed You Wish They Taught in Schools: How to Bring up BDSM with your partner

sexreeducated:

“What do I do if my significant other is vanilla?”

This is a common situation and one which does not have an easy answer. It is important because, for many of us, it is not sufficient to simply bury our desires and needs for BDSM submission. This article will discuss how to approach your partner…

Great article to round out BDSM week!

(via holisticsexualhealth)

Word Of The Day: Bondage Play

Shibari, a Japanese rope bondage technique.

Bondage play, another one of those terms that encompasses a range of play options and activities, is essentially sexual activity that involves being tied up or physically restrained in some way. It can be simple (holding your partner’s arms down above their head in a moment of passion) or it can be elaborate (rope bondage can take many different forms, including complicated riggings and techniques that take time to master).

Note: The world of bondage is a nuanced and rich one - this post is just a brief guide to the kinds of things you can begin exploring with bondage play. We encourage you to check out other resources for further information if this catches your eye!

Equipment you can use for some sexy bondage fun:

  • Rope! Bondage suppliers and sex stores sell ropes made specifically for bondage, that are not too rough on the skin and work well for knots. You can improvise with non-bondage designed ropes and cords.
  • Scarves or silk ties, which are delightful feeling on the skin and can be lightly dragged over your partner’s naked body beforehand for some mild sensation play.
  • Spreader bars or under-the-bed restraint systems - restraining devices designed for specific kind of play. Check out our review of the Sportsheets spreader bar here for some more information and tips for usage.
  • Handcuffs or cuffs: the cheap fuzzy handcuffs you might find at a novelty store are often poor quality and won’t last more than a couple of uses. Instead, consider a pair of lush cuffs from a dedicated sex store, which will last longer and feel more comfortable on your wrists or ankles.

Handcuffs used for some creative sexytime!

Get creative with it! You could tie your partner’s hands and legs together, tie them spread-eagle to bed frames, google Shibari to begin learning about more complicated rigging…anywhere your mind can travel.

Don’t forget to play safe! Cutting off blood circulation can cause serious nerve damage to limbs if you tie a partner down too tightly or for too long, so be aware when you pull tension into your restraints. Always have a pair of safety scissors on hand in case you need to quickly remove a bond that has become uncomfortable or painful - again, no matter how expensive that rope or scarf was, it’s not worth causing lasting physical damage. And make sure you’re constantly communicating with your partner. Bondage isn’t fun if you don’t trust each other.

Source & more info: Sexy Bondage Restraints, The Basics of BDSM 

Word Of The Day: Chastity Devices

A plastic chastity device for cocks.

Chastity devices aren’t just Victorian inventions for overprotective parents to ensure their offspring remain chaste and fully flowered. They’re kinky devices used in their own right to enable complete genital control. Having control over your partner’s ability to have sex, masturbate, have orgasms, or (for penile chastity devices) even hold an erection is one of the most intimate forms of domination, and the complete surrender of these activities makes it a powerful submissive decision.

A leather and metal chastity device for vulva-owners.

Chastity devices can be worn long-term or for short stretches of time, depending on the intentions negotiated between partners. Like watching your partner beg to be unlocked and allowed to come…or enduring the humiliation of not being able to get off til your master or mistress commands it? Love knowing that your orgasms are at the command of your partner, and your partner only? These could be the toys for you. Most chastity devices are concealable beneath clothing and therefore can be worn as you go about your daily life. There are also small openings so that you can pee with comfort.

Some safety tips and general facts to be aware of, especially for long-term chastity wear:

  • Keep an emergency key. This isn’t something you’ll want to be losing!
  • Use baby oil on your scrotum! This tip can help you avoid soreness while wearing the locking device. Do not, however, oil up the shaft of the penis, which is locked inside the device: this will create a build up of stagnant moisture that can lead to infection and skin irritation.
  • Cock-owner chastity devices can be worn 24/7. Some people have pledged to keep them on for a lifetime. But be aware that wearing a chastity device makes it more difficult to maintain hygiene - we suggest using a squeeze bottle with a thin nozzle to keep yourself clean.
  • Vulva-owner chastity devices should be removed weekly for cleaning, and should not be worn while menstruating. You don’t want menstrual blood backing up in there.
  • “It’s dangerous and unhealthy for me to be denied sexual release for this long!” No, your balls are not going to explode from a prolonged period without ejaculation. If you are genuinely uncomfortable being locked away, though, and aren’t just complaining as part of the dynamic in your power-play…you should probably step away from the chastity devices.
  • No matter how much fun orgasm denial is, never be hesitant to remove a chastity device if you feel like it is too tight, or if you’re experiencing skin irritation or extreme discomfort! You can always strap yourself back into a chastity device, you don’t know how long it’ll take for you to recover from a skin rash that could have been cured with just a hot second of attention.


Word Of The Day: Bastinado

Welcome back for BDSM Week!

Today we bring you bastinado (also known as “falaka”), a form of pain play that revolves around the striking of the soles of the feet. It is typically (and is safest when) performed with either the hand or a short cane. (Did you think about this when we mentioned impact play yesterday?)

Your butt and the bottoms of your feet are very different creatures, though. While your butt is fleshy and cushioned, your feet are bonier and contain more nerve endings - meaning that this type of play ramps up the pain factor, and quickly.

So how should you go about this? You can’t just whack away with a cane on the soles of your feet in the same way you might another part of the body - they are more delicate and you don’t want to break any of the small bones or blood vessels! Instead, use smaller strokes, beginning lightly and then gradually increasing in intensity. Your hits should have more of a “sting” feeling rather than a “thud”. Also note that this type of play does not naturally create as much visible bruising and welting, so do not attempt to continue play until the foot is “visibly affected”. Areas to avoid include the toes, ankles, and the arch of the foot; focus more on the outside sole and any bits that normally touch the ground while walking.

Blows to the foot can also take longer to heal, so keep that in mind if you need to run a marathon or walk a catwalk the next day! There’s a reason bastinado was originally used as a torture method…but if utilized carefully and with the intent to create sensation, not injury, it’s a deliciously sensual way for pain demons to play.

Source & more info: Bastinado by Lexigoddess